Roachinator

A few incidents occurring as of late have made me re-embrace my status as The Roachinator. For starters, I talked to Angelica on the phone today. Tonight, I killed a roach (bare handed with no assists). Last week, some girls were talking about how much they hated roaches and I had to tell them that I like to kill the roaches. The fact that Carmen lost my Roachinator bracelet *sorry about that, Angelica :(* came up in conversation only Saturday.

For those of you who don't know the back story, this fascination with killing roaches began in Hell-Hole-Ocho, Salango, Ecuador. Beerman, Matt S., and I were staying in a bungalow that was shared with scores of roaches and a bat (named Deuce). We decided to keep track of how many roaches each of us killed. There were also bonus points to be earned. We decided to keep track of how many assists you got...an assist could be spotting a roach then holding a flashlight on them so that someone else could kill the roach or maybe moving furniture or other objects in order for the other person to kill the roach. You got 2 points if you killed it barehanded, 5 points if you killed the roach with your forehead, and 10 if you used your nutsack (unattempted by anyone). Naturally, these kills only counted if they were confirmed, i.e. if somebody else saw it happen.

Reminiscing, I killed a roach outside when B was staying at my house a few weeks ago and I went to get him so that he could verify the kill and he refused, saying that it wasn't good enough that there were roach guts on my shoe and roach guts on the wall...he didn't see the actual kill. What a bastard.

As for technique, let me tell you that there are different ways to kill different roaches in different scenarios. First of all, Amazon roaches are in a class of their own. Some of them grow upwards of 5 inches. The best way to kill any roach (and make SURE it's dead) is to stab it to a hard surface so it can't go anywhere, then take a lighter and burn its face off. You've got to be careful with the big ones, though. They will try to turn around and eat you once you stab them. Make sure the blade of your knife is long enough so that doesn't happen.

I think one of the reasons that killing roaches is so exciting is because sometimes they get away. Those bastards are fast and don't want to die. I think that it wouldn't be nearly as much fun if I won every time. After you spot them, you've got to keep an eye on them. If you have to look for an instrument of death, then they have time to relocate and then you have to go hunt for their location. You also have to make sure that your weapon is hard enough to kill them (but not to break whatever surface they're on) and small/agile enough to get in the space they're in *like a corner.*

As an end note, it's not as fun to kill them with bombs and traps and residual sprays...but, the kill-on-contact sprays are cool, especially if you use something aerosol based and light it on fire and give them a flame-thrower death.